Marriage: The Covenant Satan Seeks To Devour

It's been awhile since I've put together a study but I felt it on my heart to put together another study on marriage and relationships, this time about the Devil and how he seeks to destroy them.  I've been reading articles and scriptures on this subject recently, and the more I read, the more I come to realize that Satan has been trying to worm his way into my own marriage for years... into my covenant between myself, my husband, and God.

I once read somewhere that being a Christian is the hardest thing you can do, because you will always be under attack from Satan.  I am finally coming to see that this is true.  Being one of God's children isn't easy, but God won't allow us to take on anything that we can't handle with His help.  My first hope in sharing this particular study is to show you some of the ways that the devil tries to hurt us as God's children, so that you can be vigilant and aware of what's going on, and head it off at the pass.  God doesn't want us to suffer, and He warns us to keep watch in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour."  Satan is ready and waiting to devour us alive.

My second hope with this study is to get some discussion going in the comment section and on Twitter and Facebook about the ways the devil tries to break into our lives and destroy them, how God helps us to combat the devil, and how we can take steps such as fervent prayer to live for God instead of being of use to Satan.

Before we start, you may want to read about biblical marriage and how it started HERE, and how husbands and wives are instructed to treat each other HERE.  These two articles are a great resource as a compilation of marriage scriptures.

Satan's Devices

2 Corinthians 2:11 says "Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices."

God warns us of Satan's devices and the ways he works by showing us in the Bible, and if we break the devil's tactics down into steps, you may see places in your life in the past or present where he's tried to worm his way in and take over.  It was certainly a shock for me when I began to look at these things.

1) Satan Attacks Our Relationship With God

First and foremost Satan seeks to destroy your relationship with God.  We first see this happening in Genesis with Adam and Eve when Satan tries to bring doubt to Eve about what God wants from her.  Genesis 3:1-4 "Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.  And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die."

We see here not only that Satan is subtle (he slips in), but he questions God, "Yea hath God said?"  Then Satan goes directly against God by contradicting Him and saying, "Ye shall not surely die."  He brings doubt to Eve in her relationship with God and does as good as calling God a liar and making Eve believe that God isn't giving her something that's good for her.  Once we start doubting God and his Word, we open the door for Satan to march in and start making us doubt our spouse and the marriage covenant we have.  In Adam and Eve's case, doubt ended up causing them to sin and ultimately separating them from God.  Satan's plan worked.  If a little doubt can cause a separation from God for Adam and Eve, what can a little doubt do to a Christian marriage?  It's like Satan marinading us for a meal to 'devour' us.

2) Satan Gets A Spouse To Make The Wrong Choice

Eve knew it was wrong to eat from the tree in the midst of the garden, but she let doubt creep in, and then gave the fruit to Adam to eat also, and Adam, though he knew what he was doing, made the wrong choice anyway.  Eve was tricked, but Adam knew what he was doing when he ate the fruit.  

With the holy ghost dwelling within us, we know when something is a bad choice because we feel that tug on the inside telling us that it's wrong, yet spouses still end up choosing to be lead astray from their marriage, whether they're Christian or not.  I know of many Christians who knew it was wrong, and had affairs anyway.  As Christians we know it's wrong to seek out other people to fill our needs when this is our spouses job, but it happens to some people anyway.  Why is this?  I believe it has to do with Satan making us doubt, but also with being weak when it comes to making a choice for God, or for yourself.  It's the difference between living in the flesh, and living in the spirit.  Satan makes it appear that a spouse has no other option than to seek to get their needs met elsewhere, when it just isn't true.  There is always a choice, and this leads into our next point.

3) Satan Tries To Get Us To Blame Others For Our Own Mistakes And Undesirable Situations

When God came walking in the garden after Adam and Eve ate the fruit, what was the first thing Adam did?  He pointed the finger at Eve, even though it was his choice to eat the fruit.  He had made the bad decision on his own, but he still tried to place the blame on Eve:  Genesis 3:11-12 "And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?  And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat."

It almost seems as if Adam points the finger at God and then at Eve saying that it was the woman that God gave him.  He wants to put the blame anywhere but on himself.  This also happens in marriages.  It's uncomfortable to admit that we're wrong or that we made a bad decision, and often the other spouse doesn't make it easy to save face in a situation like that.  When a spouse has cheated they will often point the finger at the other spouse and say something along the lines of, "It's your fault.  You didn't give me what I wanted or needed."  Again, there is always a choice, though Satan will try to get you believe that there isn't.

When one or both spouses refuses to admit that they were wrong or that they made a bad choice, it puts a road block in healing the marriage or fixing the problem.  A marriage takes two people to keep running, and two people to fix problems.  If one spouse is unwilling to admit that they made a mistake, then there can't be an open and honest discussion about the issues the couple is facing, and they can't grow and move on.  What ends up happening is that issues pile up and never get dealt with, and ends up leaving one or both spouses feeling bitter and unhappy.

So far, just with the first three points, Satan has a pretty good plan of attack for breaking up Christian marriages.  He attacks your relationship with God, makes you doubt, tries to get you to make the wrong choices even when you know they're wrong, and tries to get you to deny any wrongdoing so that communication is blocked and problems in the marriage can't be fixed.  Now it becomes easy to see how Satan lays in wait to 'devour' us.  Lets look at what else the deceiver does to a marriage.

4) Satan Tries To Divide Us

When Adam blamed Eve for his own wrongdoing in eating the fruit, do you think it might have driven a wedge between them?  What if your own spouse started blaming you for their own wrongdoings?  Doubt in your spouse, blaming others for your own problems, lying, and a general lack in communication are all things that will divide two people in a relationship.  There's a saying: united we stand, divided we fall.  If you are united with your spouse and God, a strong front against the devil, it will be all the harder for the devil to take you down.  If Satan can separate you however, get you to stop communicating or trusting each other, and divide you over differences of opinion, then he has two separate and much weaker targets to attack.  

I would imagine that driving wedges between husbands and wives is one of Satan's favorite pastimes.  One small unresolved difference of opinion can lead to another and another.  True, we must sometimes agree to disagree, but often Satan will choose small annoyances in a relationship and then try to block communication as we read earlier, so that problems will build up and push spouses further and further apart.  After reading this far, it may seem hopeless trying to resist Satan's influences in our lives and marriages, but at the end of the article we'll cover a few strong defenses against the devil's attacks.

Getting us to avoid and withdraw from issues instead of taking the time to resolve them is another one of the devices Satan uses to drive us apart.  Often just because we don't want to argue or discuss our own shortcomings, or just because we're weary of our spouse being mad, we'll avoid an issue altogether.  The fight or flight response, some call this phenomenon.  Unfortunately we don't often see that there's a third option.  We don't have to fight with a spouse about an issue, and we don't have to withdraw and flee either.  Instead, spouses can sit down and pray about it, and resolve to discuss any issues in the relationship in a calm, respectful manner with each other, even if they don't come to an agreement in the end.  Sometimes issues in a marriage take time to resolve, but one thing is for certain, if you withdraw from your spouse and refuse to work things out, then the issues will never be resolved and will pile up.

5) Satan Wants You To Drag Other People Into Marriage Problems

Talking about marriage problems with people of the opposite sex, or people that are not a good Christian influence can be very dangerous in both instances.  If a husband or wife begins confiding their marriage problems in a friend of the opposite sex, they are setting themselves up for an affair.  The more they tell their new 'confidant' about how terrible their spouse is, the more they trust and like their friend.  This is a slippery slope and can lead to an affair very fast.  It starts out innocent, but before they know it, they find themselves having feelings for this friend, and they feel as if this new friend is the only one who understands them.  This is not conducive to reconciling with their spouse, who is the one they should be confiding in.  Even though they know it's wrong, they end up making the choice to have an affair because they believe it's their only options to get their needs met.

The other side of this coin is the spouse that talks about their marriage problems, or bad mouths their spouse to a friend or family member who is not Christian (not that bad mouthing your spouse is ever a good idea or loving thing to do).  Sometimes we do need an outsider to give us a fresh perspective on things, but this person should be someone of the same sex, who is a Bible believing, Bible following Christian.  Non-Christians will bring in worldly views and encourage you to do un-Godly things, and often they will encourage you towards divorce and fill your head with the notion that you are 'better' than your spouse and that you 'deserve better' instead of encouraging you to reconcile in a Biblical manner.  I believe the only time that divorce should be encouraged, is when one spouse is physically or mentally abusive to their spouse and or children in some way.  If this is the case, then separation is for the safety of the family members involved, not just because someone thinks 'you can do better'.

6) Satan Wants You To Believe Your Problems Are Bigger Than God

I've fallen into this trap myself on a number of occasions.  Sometimes the situation seems hopeless and you begin to wonder if God wants to help you fix things, or if He is ignoring you, or if He can even fix things at all.  These are all tricks of the devil.  A covenant with God (marriage) is something to be kept, not thrown away, and I do not believe God would try to make two people divorce, so we can throw that notion out the window right away.  The same goes for anything within the relationship that would lead to divorce.  If you're despairing over a lack of communication or needs getting met within your marriage, don't think that God can't fix the problem.  Pray about it, fervently and often (we'll talk about this more at the end of the study).  If one spouse cheated, don't let the devil make you believe that this problem is beyond God to make right.  There are many many books out there about Christian couples, where one cheated and God took their marriage and turned it around and made it better than it ever was before.  

Our God is not a small, insignificant God.  He is the creator of the universe and everything within.  He's the one who made every star and remembers each star's name, He's the one who sent his Son Jesus to die on the cross for us so our sins could be washed away, He's the one who made the first marriage covenant with Adam and Eve.  God can do anything except lie to you.  Lying is the one thing God cannot do (Titus 1:2).

7) Satan Wants To Draw Our Attention Away From God

This point goes along nicely with number 6.  Satan wants to confuse us and get us to stop listening to what God is telling us.  This tactic comes by way of distraction.  Instead of reading our Bible daily, Satan wants us to engage in other activities, and somehow five minutes a day seems like too much of a burden to sit and open your Bible before bed or while eating breakfast.  Instead of praying with your spouse, Satan wants you to fight or to avoid the issues altogether.  Instead of talking about problems in a respectful manner, Satan wants you to get mad and start yelling and saying hurtful things to each other.  Instead of focusing on God and what God can do, Satan wants us to focus on money issues.

Matthew 14:26-32 "And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.  But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.  And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.  And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.  And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?  And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased."

We see a great example of someone's attention getting drawn away from the Lord in Matthew 14.  Peter has faith enough to get out of the boat and walk across the water to Jesus, but then he gets distracted by the wind and suddenly his faith falters.  Take note however, that while Peter got distracted and took his attention away from Jesus, he cried out for Jesus to save him, and Jesus did.  Satan would have let Peter drown right there having drawn his attention away from Christ, but Christ was there waiting for Peter to call out to be saved.  When we find ourselves distracted and lead away from Christ, we can always call out for help and Jesus will be there to pull us from the turbulent waves.  Also take note that as soon as Peter asked Jesus to take charge of the situation and Jesus got Peter safely into the boat, the wind stopped.  Put your eyes on Christ and keep them there and let the wind that Satan sends your way not bother you at all.

8) Satan Wants Us To Give In To Idolatry

Whether it's work, money, hobbies, addictions, or just setting our spouse up on a pedestal, Satan wants us to place higher importance on other things and other people than we do on God.

Remember that in Exodus 20:3-5 God tells us: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me.  Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.  Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them..."

Idols are another device Satan uses to distract us.  We work hard, long hours because we need to fill our need for money so we can have nice houses and cars and buy more and more stuff that we want but don't really need.  We place such a high value on money that much of our time and attention is focused on it instead of on God.  Serving money instead of God also detracts from your time with your spouse, and many many marriages break up because of financial difficulties when two people try to live beyond their means.

The same thing happens when you serve an addiction or hobby instead of God.  I'm reminded of the husband in the movie 'Fireproof' who had two addictions: pornography and his boat.  He spent his time serving his addictions instead of serving God and focusing on his wife.  Unfortunately this is the case in many marriages, where one or both spouses is so focused on other things, their attention is off of God and their family.

Setting your spouse up on a pedestal is another form of idolatry.  Oftentimes, especially with young couples or newlyweds, someone places their spouse up on a pedestal by having high expectations of them, often times higher than their own expectations of themselves.  They expect their spouse to be perfect, they expect them to never fail or falter, to never sin, to never make a mistake.  This leads to both spouses being sorely disappointed.  The one because their spouse didn't live up to their overzealous expectations, and the other because they can't live up to their spouses expectations no matter how hard they try.  When you expect your spouse to be perfect, it's like you're worshiping them like you would God.

God warns us again in 1John 5:21 "Little children, keep yourselves from idols," and that "Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god," in Psalm 16:4.  God feels so strongly against idolatry that we're warned in 1 Corinthians 10:14 to "flee from idolatry."  Unfortunately, from the time Satan told Eve that she would become like a God in Genesis after eating the fruit, to now, this remains one of Satan's favorite tactics in destroying a Christian marriage.

How Satan Gets In

The following is a list of things people do in marriages that open the door for Satan to come in.  Take note of each thing, because avoiding these things will help keep the deceiver out of your relationship:

• Withholding sex from your spouse 
• 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
• Spending too much time thinking on your spouses negative attributes instead of their positive qualities
• Saying hurtful things
• Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."
• Proverbs 21:23 "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." 
• Luke 6:45 "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." 
• Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
• Not being thankful for your spouse.  Not cherishing your spouse.
• Being disrespectful to your spouse
• 1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." 
• 1 Peter 2:17 "Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king."
• Ephesians 5:21-22 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
  
• Refusing to let go of your spouses mistakes instead of forgiving them
• Matthew 6:15 "But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." 
• Not admitting when you were in the wrong or saying you're sorry (and meaning it)
• Being sarcastic and bitter to your spouse 
•  Collosians 3:18-19 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."
• Holding your own wants, needs, and rights above those of your spouse 
• (I highly recommend reading the Love Dare book to learn about this and many other important principles)
• Not putting your time, effort, energy, and money into your relationship with your spouse
• Not guarding your heart 
• Proverbs 4:23 "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
• Letting the word or concept of 'divorce' creep into your marriage
• Judging your spouse for his or her mistakes
• Matthew 7:1-2 "Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."
• Letting other family members or friends dictate what happens in your marriage
• Forgetting to pray daily with your spouse
• James 5:16 "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
  
• Forgetting to read your Bible daily

Helpful Books

I highly recommend the following books if you would like to grow closer to your spouse, learn how to protect yourself and your marriage from Satan, and improve your marriage in every aspect.  These books come from a biblical perspective and are easy to understand:

My favorite is The Love Dare book.  You may have heard of it if you've seen the movie Fireproof.  My entire perspective on marriage has changed since reading the Love Dare and it has been a great help to me in explaining the biblical principles of God's love and how that applies to us in a marriage relationship.  It even gives you a clear cut guide on how to pray in the appendix, and daily homework assignments.  I didn't do it one day at a time as it suggests.  I did one every few days so I could more fully meditate and take in each concept and incorporate it into my life.

His Needs Her Needs comes in a close second to the Love Dare book.  Willard Harley Jr does a great job laying out the basic needs we often fail to meet for our spouses, and also lays out some basic biblical principles of marriage and how failing to meet your spouses needs can lead to an affair, while meeting them can make your marriage better than ever.

Love and Respect is a book/DVD series used in many churches for couples counseling and couple studies, and has been a great help to many many couples.

Join In

If you have any questions or comments, or would like to join in on the discussion about the things Satan does to ruin relationships or how to guard you heart from Satan, leave a comment below, send us a shout out to @refugebaptist on Twitter, or come visit us at CBSB's Facebook page.

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A Study in Marriage Part 2 - How It All Started

Sometimes people get a little confused knowing just what marriage is about. Since God started marriage, let’s look in the Bible to see just what marriage is and what the relationship between a married man and his wife ought to be like. (Note: All following scriptures taken out of the KJV).

1) Marriage started with Adam and Eve

Marriage was very different in the Bible. In the beginning, Marriage was solely between a man, a woman, and God. There was no ceremony preformed by a pastor or other government official, and there was no contract with any kind of government such as a “marriage license” which gives you rights to tax benefits, etc. How then were people considered married? In Genesis, God gives you His definition of marriage. Let’s take a look:

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” 

The key words in this passage are “cleave” and “one flesh”. First a man leaves his father and mother. Next he cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh. When the KJV was translated “cleave” meant: “To unite or be united closely in interest or affection; to adhere with strong attachment,” (Websters 1828 Dictionary). “One flesh” is defined at the time as “intimate relations,” (Websters 1828 Dictionary under “Flesh”). So we see the Biblical version of marriage is also composed of three parts: 1) Leaving the father and mother. 2) Man and woman “cleaving” together, otherwise committing to stick together. 3) Man and woman becoming “one flesh” (or having intimate relations, aka sex.). There was no ceremony, there was no contract, there was no preacher there to marry them. Adam and Eve, the first man and woman were married, and there was no other human there to marry them. Instead God brought them together as husband and wife.

Gen 2:23 “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Gen 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Gen 2:25 “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

The above passage is clearly talking about Adam and Eve, and refers to them in Genesis 2:25 as “man and his wife,” after they have been “one flesh” in Genesis 2:24.

We also see how God performs the marriage ceremony himself in Matthew:

Matt. 19:6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

“What therefore God hath joined together…” this is very important. When a man and woman become “one flesh” together, God joins them together. Essentially God is marrying them just as a pastor or justice of the peace would do today.

We also see the same thing in Mark 10:6-9:
"But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

So now that we’ve established what “biblical” marriage is compared to today’s “government” marriage, let’s take a look at how marriage first started.

Genesis 2:18-25
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

God created Adam, the first human being. God said that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. God created all animals, and still, they weren’t good for keeping Adam company or being a “help meat” for him… in other words a “helper”. So God took one of Adam’s ribs and from that made a woman, Eve, the first woman in existence. Just as God gave Adam the right to name every living creature created, he also let Adam name the other sex “woman” which means “from man.” The fact that God gave man dominion over all animals in another passage, and that Adam named all animals, and then he named women, and Eve, tells us that Adam was given some kind of ownership over Eve. (Now, not to hear nasty comments over that remark, but this is how the Bible says it. Not to say that we women are pets, or anything of the like, but it’s like if we get a pet turtle and name it Joe… that pet turtle is ours, yes? This is how it was with Adam. Recall it says “the man and HIS wife…” Today the pastor marries people and says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” but in the Bible it was “man and his wife.”

So quick recap… Eve was made from Adam’s rib. Adam named her. Eve was created to be a “help meat” for Adam as his wife, and was created so that he wouldn’t be alone. Again, not to get any nasty comments from women out there, but this is how it is from God’s own word. And if any women out there feel demeaned by this in any way, think about it this way: God thought it so important that Adam have a helper and have company that he went to all the trouble of creating women. Therefore, women are very important. We have an important job to do, and play an important role in marriage. Remember, if it wasn’t all that important, God wouldn’t have gone to the trouble at all.

2) The Marriage Relationship

So now that we’ve established what a “biblical” marriage is, and how marriage started, let’s look at the marriage relationship itself. How are husband and wife supposed to act towards each other? It’s all in the scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7:3-5
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

Let’s start with that word benevolence. When the KJV was translated benevolence meant: “The disposition to do good; good will; kindness; charitableness; the love of mankind, accompanied with a desire to promote their happiness,” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary). We see the Bible telling us that the husband should promote the wife’s happiness, and the wife should promote the husband’s happiness.

We see that the wife doesn’t have power over her own body, but the husband does, and the husband doesn’t have power over his own body, but the wife does… this means, if one wants sex, the other shouldn’t go and say, “oh, I have a headache,” etc etc, among other things just to get out of it like you see on the sitcoms today. This also goes along with the next sentence: “Defraud ye not one the other…” from the Websters 1828 Dictionary “defraud” means: “To deprive of right, either by obtaining something by deception or artifice, or by taking something wrongfully without the knowledge or consent of the owner; to cheat; to cozen; followed by of before the thing taken; as, to defraud; a man of his right.” So don’t deprive each other, and don’t cheat each other of something… although I am positive this is talking about sex because of the rest of the sentence. The only time it says to withhold sex is if it’s for an agreed upon amount of time to engage in fasting in prayer, otherwise if you withhold from your spouse Satan will tempt your spouse.

Deuteronomy 24:5
“When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.”

This is kind of awesome ladies. The Bible commands men to take an entire year off after marriage just to bring cheer and happiness to their new wife. How cool is that? This is obviously a really important thing if God commands husbands to take an entire year off to do it. Making the spouse happy is very important in God’s eyes for a successful marriage.

Ecclesiastes 9:9
“Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life.”

Here we see the husband is told to “live joyfully” with his wife… not just to live joyfully with her sometimes, but“all the days of the life.” Joyfulness is happiness… not grief, sorrow, or misery. This goes right along with promoting your spouse’s happiness. You want to stay away from things that will promote unhappiness or grief or sorrow in the life of you and your spouse… why on earth would you want to do things to grieve your spouse anyway?

Proverbs 12:4
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.”
“Virtuous: Being in conformity to the moral or divine law; as a virtuous action; a virtuous life,” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary). So a wife who has good morals and follows the Bible “divine law” is a crown to her husband. A crown is like a precious jewel… more than that a crown is something a king wears on the top of his head to show off to everybody. If a wife is a crown to her husband, he’s going to not only love her, but want to show her off so to speak… he will be proud enough of her to not hide her away from the world. A crown isn’t something a king sticks in a closet under a pile of dirty socks, it’s something he wears where everybody can see it.

Malachi 2:14-15
"Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth."

According to the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary, Treacherously means: “Violating allegiance or faith pledged; by betraying a trust; faithlessly; perfidiously; as, to surrender a fort to an enemy treacherously; to disclose a secret treacherously.” So to deal with his wife treacherously, he would have betrayed her, or been unfaithful, violating his pledge to be faithful to her. This passage tells us that GOD himself has been a witness of the commitment made between the husband and his wife. A man’s wife is his companion, and he has made a covenant (or a deal) with her, and should not break it.


Ok, so another quick recap: In all things, husband and wife should strive to make each other happy in the relationship. This is so important that it is repeated over and over in the Bible, and God even tells the man to take an entire year off to get the relationship stronger by making his wife happy, and visa versa (because obviously if he is there at home making her happy then she is going to be making him happy). A husband and wife should not “withhold” from each other, because after marriage they have become “one flesh” and are as one, and therefore do not have control over their own body, but of each other’s body. Spouses should strive to live“joyfully” together, rather than doing things intent on harming each other’s well being and living unhappily together. A “virtuous” wife will make her husband proud (this includes staying faithful), and a husband should not betray the covenant with his wife (this means he should stay faithful).

Just another quick note about the scripture taken from Malachi, it says the LORD was witness of the covenant between the man and wife, not another human being… just another indicator that there weren’t any ceremonies and government “witnesses” as there are today… marriage was all done by God.


3) Submitting

So here’s the part where most people (especially women) have a problem with the Bible. The part where it tells the wife to submit to her husband. Let’s talk about that for a minute after reading a couple of scriptures.


Ephesians 5:20-22
“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

First we see “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” This includes the husband. Next we see “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Not, wives submit yourselves to ALL men, just to your own husband, and you do it as you would submit yourself to God. Why? Why do we do this? Read on:

Ephesians 5:23-24
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”

We submit ourselves to our husbands, because it is the place God has given us as women. Remember how Adam was allowed to name Eve, therefore being given some sort of ownership? It’s like, your parent’s name you when you are born, and you are your mother and father’s child… this is the same thing. God named Adam, Adam named Eve, etc. God has put us all in a hierarchy of order. This doesn’t make men better than women or visa versa, it is just the place we are given for now. God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of the church, which is head of the man, and man is head of the woman. Remember that women are made to be a help meat for man. We are given an important job to do. If it wasn’t important God wouldn’t have created us at all.

Let’s talk about something else for a minute too. The Biblical marriage between a man and a woman represents the marriage between Christ and the church later on after Chris’s return (and you’ll see that it represents that in a moment). “… even as Christ is the head of the church…” Jesus will be the husband and the church the wife (which we see in other scriptures throughout the Bible, but we won’t go into just now). If a Biblical marriage represents the marriage between Christ and the church (the body of believers), and Christ is over the church, and the church is submitting to Christ, then we can begin to make sense of why the husband is over the wife and why the wife submits to her husband. This is the Biblical order of things.

Lets look at some more from Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:24-30
"Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones."

This tells men to love their wives just as Christ loved the church (his future wife). Christ loved all people so much that he DIED for them. Literally, he was nailed to a cross and left there until he died. He knew what he was doing. He himself was blameless and without fault or sin, but he did it so that we could be found blameless and without sin… he took the place for OUR sins… he took our punishment because he loves us THAT much. The Bible tells man to love his wife THAT much, just like Christ loves us THAT much. Remember, a husband and wife are “one flesh” and it says that a man that loves his wife loves himself. Just as Jesus nourishes and cherishes the church (his future wife), so should a man do this for his wife. Just as a man and wife are “one flesh” like Adam and eve, all believers (the church) are members of Christ’s body, flesh, and bones. We can begin to see now how a biblical marriage is representative of the future marriage between Jesus and the church which He died for.

Let’s finish this chapter of Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:31-33
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Again this speaks about the connection between a biblical marriage and the marriage of Christ and the church, and tells the man to love his wife as he loves himself. It also tells us though that a wife should “reverence” her husband. She should have respect and affection for him, and see him as an authority figure (taken from the definition from Webster’s 1828 Dictionary).


Collosians 3:18-19
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."

“Fit” means: “Suitable; convenient; meet; becoming,” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary). It is what God meant for wives to submit themselves to their husbands, and it is also “becoming.” Again husbands are told to love their wives and not be bitter to their wives.
“Bitter” means: “Cruel; severe; as bitter enmity. Sharp, as words, reproachful; sarcastic,” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary).


So let’s do one last recap about what the Bible has to say about the subject of marriage (and keep in mind this is not ALL that the Bible has to say about it):

1)Marriage started with Adam and Eve.
2)Eve and women were made for man to be a help meat and to be company for them.
3)Biblical marriage did not consist of a ceremony, human witnesses, marriage licenses, or any other government contracts. There were no preachers or pastors to marry Adam and Eve, only God.
4)The three parts to a biblical marriage are: A) Man and woman leave their parents, B) Man and woman “cleave” together (aka commit to each other), and C) become one flesh with each other. After these things have taken place God “joins” them together.
5)In all things husband and wife should strive to make each other happy.
6)Spouses should not withhold from each other unless it is agreed upon to do so for a small amount of time for fasting and prayer.
7)Spouses should strive to live “joyfully” together, and should not try to do things to make each other unhappy.
8)Both husbands and wives should honor the “covenant” made with each other and remain faithful to one another.
9)Women are commanded to submit to their husband, not all men.
10) Women submit themselves to their husbands because it is the place God has given them. God is head over Jesus, Jesus is head over the church (his future wife), man is head over his wife.
11) Biblical marriage is a picture of the marriage of Christ and the body of believers (the church) when Christ returns.
12) Husbands are not to be “bitter” (cruel or sarcastic) to their wives.
13)Wives are to submit themselves to their husbands as they would to God.


This study has taken all scriptures from the Authorized KJV. All definitions are taken from Webster’s 1828 Dictionary because that particular dictionary has the correct definitions for words used during the translation of the KJV.

This study is meant to inform, not to offend.

Thanks,

-CBSB

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A Study in Marriage Part 1 - Marriage Then And Now

Today people get confused about what marriage really is, and don’t even know it. In the beginning, marriage meant something completely different than it does today. First let’s take a look at what marriage is today:

Today marriage is an agreed upon union between a man and a woman (or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, although today this is still debatable in society), along with a contract between the man, woman, and government, finalized in a ceremony preformed by a preacher or justice of the peace. The “contract” is the marriage license. Without a marriage license the government does not recognize a couple as married and the couple can then not get government benefits for being married such as tax breaks. Often times without a marriage license a couple cannot even get insurance together with “married” benefits. The government contract has become such an important part of marriage today, that even most regular US citizens do not consider you and your spouse married if you do not have a marriage license. So the three parts of marriage today consist of: 1) A contract between the couple and the government. 2) An agreed upon union. 3) A ceremony preformed by a pastor or justice of the peace.

Now let’s take a look at marriage in the beginning according to the Bible (KJV of course). Marriage then was very different. In the beginning, Marriage was solely between a man, a woman, and God. There was no ceremony preformed by a pastor or other government official, and there was no contract with any kind of government. How then were people considered married? In Genesis, God gives you His definition of marriage. Let’s take a look:

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

The key words in this passage are “cleave” and “one flesh”. First a man leaves his father and mother. Next he cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh. When the KJV was translated “cleave” meant: “To unite or be united closely in interest or affection; to adhere with strong attachment,” (Websters 1828 Dictionary).“One flesh” is defined at the time as “intimate relations,” (Websters 1828 Dictionary under “Flesh”). So we see the Biblical version of marriage is also composed of three parts: 1) Leaving the father and

mother. 2) Man and woman “cleaving” together, otherwise committing to stick together. 3) Man and woman becoming “one flesh” (or having intimate relations, aka sex.). There was no ceremony, there was no contract, there was no preacher there to marry them. Adam and Eve, the first man and woman were married, and there was no other human there to marry them. Instead God brought them together as husband and wife.

Gen 2:23 “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

Gen 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Gen 2:25 “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

The above passage is clearly talking about Adam and Eve, and refers to them in Genesis 2:25 as “man and his wife,” after they have been “one flesh” in Genesis 2:24.

We also see how God performs the marriage ceremony himself in Matthew:

Matt. 19:6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

“What therefore God hath joined together…” this is very important. When a man and woman become “one flesh” together, God joins them together. Essentially God is marrying them just as a pastor or justice of the peace would do today.

We see examples of this in the Bible:

Genesis 24:67 "And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death."

While Gen 24:67 doesn’t explicitly say that Isaac and Rebekah had sex, it does imply it by saying that he“took” her, together with the fact that he brought her into his mothter’s tent (a private place) to do so. This passage says that she became his wife after the fact of sex (“and took Rebekah, and she became his wife;”).

Today churches preach about not having “premarital sex,” and say that if you have ANY sex whatsoever before the traditional "man-made" wedding occurs, that it is "pre-marital." But if you look at the scriptures straight from the Bible and read them as is with no interpretation, you see that so long as you have left the parents, committed to one another, and had sex, you are married by God, even if you haven't been married by "man" in a man made ceremony. While what most churches teach about “premarital sex” is not Biblical at all, I can see why they started giving messages on it. Today you get the kids having sex without the commitment or without leaving the parents, or you get the adults who have left the parents, but have no comittment to their boyfriend/girlfriend. Sex has become a casual thing worldwide.

Marriage has changed into a sort of unholy union between a man, a woman, and the government rather than a man, a woman, and God. If the union was really between a man, his wife, and God, then the man and wife would forsake the government and not enter into a contract with it to declare their marriage valid.Unfortunately in the society we live in today, we must enter into this government contract to get the government benefits we deserve as a married couple.

Today marriages break up all the time and end in divorce. In Biblical times it wasn’t all that common to see divorce, but now divorce rates soar higher every year, not only because of problems in the marriage, but because of lack of commitment (cleaving together) on the couple’s part. Because marriage today is really only a contract with the government, people throw away marriages like a piece of trash and start over. Now don’t get me wrong, there are definitely reasons to divorce, but most couples in the US today enter into marriage thinking, “well, if it doesn’t work out I can always get divorced, no big deal.” In the Bible divorce was a very big deal and was only allowed under certain circumstances, because marriage was a union between man, woman, and God, and God put them together into marriage. Matt. 19:6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” What God has joined together, let no man put asunder… including the husband himself or the wife… it was a holy union not to be thrown away so lightly, even if there were major problems. It was also not entered into so lightly as it is today. Today people flock to Vegas to get married spur of the moment… young teens get married only because they got pregnant, not because they are truly willing to “cleave” to each other for better or for worse, and other times people get married because they are pressured to by society because it is the “normal” thing to do to get married at a certain age and settle down and start a family. All of these things along with other factors have contributed to high divorce rates (essentially man putting asunder what God has joined together).

Now I’m not saying that all divorces occur because of lack of commitment or lack of having a union between the man and wife and God, but the above factors I have described have definitely contributed to a large percent of the divorces in recent years in the US. In a country that continually strives to move away from God and toward unholy unions with the government, it does not surprise me that churches started preaching on not having sex before the “government” marriage, in an attempt to stem the flow of divorces.Again, when they teach about not having premarital sex, there is no such thing provided you have left the parents, cleaved to your spouse, and then joined to become one flesh, but because “marriage” has changed and is something different today to man, premarital sex would occur before the “contract” is entered into with the government.

In conclusion, there are definitely two different kinds of marriage: 1) God’s definition of marriage, and 2) Man’s definition of marriage. Straight from the Bible we see God’s definition of marriage is when two people have sex and become “one flesh” and God joins them together. Man’s definition of marriage is some sort of ceremony preformed by a justice of the peace or man of the cloth along with a government contract and a high likelihood of divorce somewhere down the road.

NOTE: This post was not meant to offend anybody (as I’m sure it will) but is instead meant to inform. I am in no way saying that if you got a divorce that it was because of lack of commitment, or that if you were married with a government contract that you did not mean the marriage to be between you, your spouse, and God. If you feel like commenting on my post feel free, but before you do I ask that you simply read the scriptures as is without “interpreting” them your own way. We believe in taking God’s Word literally with no interpretation. Why? Because God won’t try to confuse us. It makes no sense for God to write one thing, and then mean something different than He wrote. God wants us to understand and there are very few things in the Bible up to interpretation. (Revelation for example, because John himself said he didn’t understand the things he saw, and was only writing them down to the best of his ability describing the things he saw the best he could). Like I said, read it literally, and then post any comments you may have.

A NOTE ON THE DEFINITIONS: I have given you definitions from the Webster 1828 dictionary because some words mean different things now than they did when the KJV was translated. The 1828 dictionary tells us what most words in the KJV meant when it was translated. I have heard people interpret the above scriptures differently because they did not know or understand the meaning of some of the words, which is why I have provided definitions.

Thanks!

-CBSB

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